Honestly

Honestly, my decision to go into the medical field was multi-factorial, but one of the features of the field I found so attractive was the ability to find an ultimate diagnosis for someone with symptoms they are not all too familiar with. To find clarity to a puzzle that seemed all together impossible to solve.
What's causing that burning pain in your chest after you eat a large burger and fries?
Oh it's reflux, caused by your weak LES and your love of smoking and beer. We can help you with a PPI and counseling for your 'risky behavior.'
But so many problems are not cut and dry....so many!
My current pt. has a lot of different and newly onset medical problems, and his major problem we cannot even properly diagnose. We performed the proper diagnostic test, an LP, and the results were negative, but we are still treating him for presumed GBS. I thought so much more of medicine would be- here are the symptoms- here are the test to do- and then this is how you treat the disease.
Not the case- just like in life, there is are so few black and white things---everythings in shades of grey. There are no more +/-; just 1-99% confidence with large error margins.

Hospital Depression

I am the kind of person who does not immediately pick up on sadness or depression in another person- I don't want to attribute this to my general aloof character, but rather to the many manifestations of depression- anger, over compensation, denial, out right sadness...human emotions can be tricky. The hospital is a place people can easily become depressed- being around illness and death all the time can bring a person down. The hospital is also a place that attracts lonely people with depression. There is evidence somewhere in some journal that probably makes the conclusion that depressed people generally have more health complaints. Don't quote me, but it makes sense- people just don't care for themselves when they are sad. Anyways, there are a lot of lonely people out there.
Dr.- Do you have any family here?
Pt- No.
Dr.- Do you have any close friends that can help care for you?
Pt.- No, it's just me.

How depressing and lonely! I'm very fortunate to have been born into an amazing family that I truly love! I cannot imagine being in a situation in which I would rather be alone than near my family! Very sad.

obs

My observations of the day:
1. Storms here don't just happen quickly; they often brew and brew, and then maybe the rain falls, but sometimes the stormy part dies out before it begins. I love it. I love the rain, but I could just watch the storm build all day. The anticipation of the downpour, the lightning, the thunder is like waiting for Christmas morning to come to see what is in the small box under the tree. Love it!
2. Healthcare= Social work. Most people go into this field because they have a true desire to help people. But what happens when people are lazy, unkind, don't want you to help them and just want to be fixed without any strings attached? What happens when people think they are entitled to unlimited welfare and healthcare, but do not want to be burdened with any responsibility? Less than six weeks in, and I am finally getting the cold hard truth about healthcare. But that still leaves us with an enormous burden of trying to make sick people better, even if they are not currently able to or wanting to be helped. How do we change the hearts of people that are so unhappy with themselves that they appear stuck in a vicious cycle of absolutely rejecting help with their health? Many things for me to think about over the course of the year, and unfortunately probably plenty of patients to remind me of this problem.
3. I love the hospital in the early AM hours. It's quiet, patients are resting, people do not seem as sad to be in the hospital, and the entire day awaits to solve medical mysteries and restore people to health. At the same time, it is a little creepy- lots of zombie- like students standing around the hospital corridors in green scrubs and white coats. Nurses checking in at the tele station. The flicker of a light from a patients hospital bed. All together, it's a very creepy place. But then the sun rises and the craziness begins.
Some days it's just nice to take in the little blessings when they come your way.